Marge: Grampa, I'm not afraid!
Grampa: Then you're not paying close enough attention!
Mr. Burns: I'll keep it short and sweet. Family, religion, friendship: These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. When opportunity knocks, you don't want to be driving to the maternity hospital or sitting in some phoney baloney church...or synagogue.
PI Dexter Colt: "You'll regret the day you crossed Dexter Colt!"
Homer: "You'll regret the day you went to the expensive coffee place!"
"Guess I forgot to put the foglights in!"
There there, shut up boy.
While building a brick BBQ this summer, I was haunted by these words:
"Why must I fail at every attempt at masonry?"
Not-so-new but haven't got around to posting yet. I'd rather read everybody elses posts and cry from laughter.
Anyway this morning I was watching that episode where they give Bart "Focusyn" for his attention deficit disorder. I almost fainted from a lack of oxygen.
Morning after Bart first took a Focusyn pilli
Marge: Hows my special little guy?
Bart: I'm feeling some side effects from the dope.
Marge: It's not dope! It's to help you concentrate!
Bart: Well I dunno but my testicles won't fit in my underwear!
Tenille: Did you hear that? The whales are hungry. Homer? Join us.
Homer: Thank you.
Tenille: Tell me, young man, what do you want out of life?
Homer: I want peas!
Tenille: We all want peace! But it's always just out of reach.
Homer: *moans* Uh huh?
Tenille: So, what's the best way to get peace?
Homer: With the knife!
Tenille: Exactly! Not with the olive branch, but the bayonet! Ha, ha, Simpson, you're like the son I never had.
Homer: And you're like the father I never visit.
Hey! He lied to us through song. I hate when people do that!
And I'm not Seymour. My name is Armin. This is Armin's apartment, Armin's liquor, Armin's copy of Swank, Armin's frozen peas.